March and April were hard. As a mom, as a teacher, as a person…it was just hard. COVID hit us hard and no one knew what to expect. It was a BIG unknown and people were out of jobs, people were sick and dying from this horrific pandemic and we were all stuck inside with nothing and nowhere to go. Being stuck inside with 2 little ones really wasn’t that bad compared to what the world was going through outside of our homes. When things happen, easy and hard, we tend to only focus on ourselves because, well, it’s OUR life. I felt like pre-COVID we were treated a tad more important than we are now. Post-COVID we are all feening for ourselves like hungry wolves. We are fighting for our jobs, fighting to stay home because we don’t feel safe, fighting to get seen by a doctor but they won’t see you or your family because you went to Maine or were sick blah blah blah. Right when COVID slapped us in the face, we all were frightened and most likely thought the worst. I had friends being furloughed, lost their jobs, became depressed, died of COVID (no close friends, but friends of friends). I hate social media for that reason and don’t even get me started about the news. Thank God we don’t have cable in our home because that toxicity will literally kill me. This pandemic made fears and dreams come true at the same time.
As an empath, I CAN’T STAND RUSHING. It gets me all riled up and nervous and anxious and it reeks havoc on my soul. I will tell you, COVID has made me appreciate my life SO much. I loved not working and being with my kids. Was it often too much to handle? YUP. Did I want to kill my husband a few times? YUP. Did I go Target way too much? In a mask of course, YUP! I learned to appreciate the simple and easy things in life. I was able to escape the hustle and bustle of everyday life that literally attacks us EVERY single day. When else will this world go on “pause?” I’d like to think of this pandemic as a “pause.” Not a redo, return to normal, blah blah, but simply a pause to allow us to BE. I know it’s easier said than done, but I mean, this is WORLD HISTORY here.
So here are some thoughts I have had recurringly throughout this pandemic and yes I know that’s not a word.
- My soul hates rushing. I can’t stand being overwhelmed and rushed. Life is too short to be caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday- pre, during and post COVID. There’s no NOT rushing with kids, so this too shall pass and one day maybe I won’t be rushing around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.
- I am SO unbelievably grateful for my little shadows who are so attached to me (as I am to them) that make it (going back to work and them school), SO difficult. Painfully, I miss you so much because I have spent every single DAY since March 13 with you.
- I have a FIRST TIME kindergartener going to school only twice a week DURING a pandemic where she has to wear a mask all day long for 6.5 hours (with the exception of a few mask breaks). She can hardly keep it over her nose at Target. I am not scared for her to get COVID- I am scared for her to be jipped of her first kindergarten experience and miss me so much that she cries alone in her mask. Will that happen? Probably not? Will she care that she is being gipped of her first kindergarten experience? Probably not because she doesn’t know any different. How sad? Welcome to the generation where not wearing a mask makes you feel naked.
- Wake up world. COVID woke us the F up. We are re-living the Great Depression, but in a way different format. I mean, the world was already crazy before this pandemic. I am so glad that the world interrupted by scheduled structure to be home with my kids and remote teach. Not only did it keep us safe, but it taught me to be present and that my kids love ALL of me.
- I realized I can do hard things.
- I have learned to appreciate the slow down of the normal rush around. I have realized life is SO much more than a job. Life is TOO short to hate your job, hate something that isn’t going well in your life, etc. Don’t hate your life. Love all parts and if that means spending a couple extra dollars for that vacation that you get to take with your family once a year, DO IT.
- I LOVE FAMILY TIME. Cookouts, family, being together, summer time, laughing, wine, vacations with family. ANYTHING with family makes my soul SO happy and COVID has taught me to start doing more things that make my soul happy. Say NO to the things that don’t make you feel happy. Say no to the things that give you that “pit” in your stomach.
- My Abby, My Nat, my best friend taught me to TRUST. You can try and TRY and research for an answer SO hard. You can try every avenue and contact the right people and pray pray pray and still things don’t line up. You can feel like you are swimming against the current and seem like nothing is going your way. It’s for a reason and I can’t stand when people say that everything happens for a reason, because it doesn’t always. And that’s life and life sometimes sucks. But TRUST that reason because it is all part of the plan. Bring in your faith.
- I realized I HATE reality. I love the fantasy part of life because it’s not always like that; the beach, vacations, cookouts, birth (not the labor part ahaha), finishing half marathons, etc. We are designed to live in this fast paced get up, get your kids ready, fit in some exercise, pack lunches, go to work, pick your kids up, be mom, stay home all day with kids, and wake up and do the same damn thing. If you’re like me and hate reality, this might be an auspicious time to practice acceptance. This might be a good time to actually better understand what it means to just accept what it is, be with it and stop fighting it. One of the biggest misunderstandings about acceptance that I learned is that it means we are okay with the thing we are accepting and that we get comfortable with the situation we don’t want. Reality? It means that we give up and settle. We TRUST in the plan and we keep the faith. It doesn’t have to be our reality and GOOD is coming. Accepting isn’t failure, it’s growing. WE DON’T HAVE TO KNOW EVERY ANSWER.
- I truly think COVID is the biggest blessing in disguise for humanity. I won’t elaborate because I know this is a controversial subject. I am so grateful that I got to be a “short term” stay at home mom, still teach my loves, enjoy the summer, go on vacation with my little family and Koko, and rekindle my relationship with my Nat.
Love you tribe. Love you friends. Praying for everyone affected by COVID. Good things are coming your way.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.