Today you are 3. Today you are my little boy instead of my baby and that makes me sad. But I swear to God I will always call you my baby forever and ever even when you hate it. Thank you for being my calm in this storm of life. I’m sorry that it was never just you and I. I’m sorry that I have to share you. You were always shared and for that I feel horrible. But I also know you love your sister and would be lost without her. I know this world is a scary place right now, but I also know you have no idea how scary it is and I pray you never have to. I love your heart. I love your charm. I love your calm. I love how you can be a beast some days but wanna cuddle the next. I love how much you love me- but mostly daddy even though you got my boob for years. I love how you love your sister. I love how you grab my hand and ask me to play with you. I love your little smile and the way you kiss me. I love how you play with my hair. I love how you balance and complete our family. I pray you never change. I pray you are always my calm in every storm. I pray you will always come to me and know I will never judge you. I pray you keep your same contagious laugh. I pray you never grow up, but I know that you have to. I have let you grow up and see you fly. I know you’re only 3, but you’re my last baby. There’s something about you that makes me feel safe. I was so afraid to have another baby, but God gave me exactly what I needed: you.
I love you more everyday and I love to watch you grow. Mommy wants to keep you safe and I know as time goes by you will want to keep mommy safe too. I’m crying as I write this with you asleep on my chest. Every night it’s you and me. No one else- just your heart against mine. I don’t want these moments to ever end. I am sorry we can’t spend more time together and you have no idea what it’s like to get all the attention. Don’t ever change your heart. I can see it. I love you Hudson Grey. You complete my heart and soul. Happy birthday baby boy.