friendship, motherhood, surviving motherhood, toddlerhood

The island of motherhood

I coach a little college cheerleading on the side- just once a month for a great group of girls. I love going there because it reminds me of college… the days of effortless love, no technology, and hardly any responsibilities. Facebook wasn’t even invented until my senior year of college. We actually all got to be together instead of stuck in our phones like everyone is today. I was in love with my best friend who also loved my best friends. I didn’t have kids to worry about. And when I tell you college was the absolute best time in my life, it absolutely was. That feeling of always being around people and always having someone to go to. Having that tribe. I don’t have the today and I’m sad. As you travel through life and motherhood, it’s o my natural to start losing friends along the way. Today, I’m grieving that.

I was talking to my dad tonight as I was driving home from cheer. I saw all the college kids hanging out and it made me feel so lonely. I understand that it’s the name of the game as you get older- you lose friends along the way. This all made me miss my tribe, the tribe that was always there for me, the friends that made me realize how alone I feel on this so-called island called motherhood. I don’t have that anymore. I totally understand that in college I was a different me. I have always been me at the core of who I am, but I was in a completely different season of life x a million. I didn’t have kids. I didn’t have half the responsibilities I have now. I most likely had less confidence. I was cruising through life without much anxiety of what will happen next. I was never tired and I was always surrounded by friends. I was never alone. I love my children. They are part of me. They are stitched into my soul. But they aren’t my tribe. My go to when I’m crying, burnt out, depressed, anxious, tired, wanna forget the responsibilities and just go to dinner.

In this season, I don’t really have any mom friends or groups of friends I lean on anymore. I have my girls, all scattered and feeling the same way as I do. But I don’t have that core tribe anymore and it makes me feel more alone than I ever have. Some days I feel bitter and anxious because I really only talk to my dad. No one (including myself) has the time anymore. Us moms should never have to feel alone because it’s a crappy crappy feeling. In today’s society, we are so caught up in our own chaos of life, complaining how tired we are, how busy we are, drilling through social media (yes, me included). For the record, I do love my husband but I don’t even feel like he is part of my tribe either because it’s different from the “I get where you’re coming from because I have a vagina and gave birth and feel emotions differently than you” tribe.

I get that comparing this to college is a little much, but those feelings are what I’m missing. I’m allowed to feel isolated and that I do. I try to be connected, but probably not as hard as I should because like everyone else, I am caught up in the chaos of my own life. 2 kids, 3 jobs, momming 24/7, managing a stressful marriage (praying we exit this season of marriage), and trying to be the best version of myself (health and well-being- a little something called self-care. I’m not entirely sure men understand the importance of real true self-care. Eric, if you’re reading this, thank you for being an amazing friend and constantly checking in on me, reminding me to make self care a priority and not let anyone judge what that looks like.

Dear moms who are busy. Make time for those who love you. Make time and check in on your friends. Make dinner plans and commit because it’s important. I have a friend in college (I may have mentioned her when I first started this blog a year ago). She married her best friend and I admired her so much. Their love was radiating through every social media outlet. And not the fake kind- the real “I can’t ever imagine life without you, met you late in life, went through al the crap to meet you and adore you” kind of love. She was pregnant and due the same day Juliana was. And then one day, she posted that he was dead. He was 41 years old and died of a sudden heart attack. She was left on this Earth without him, pregnant with their first child and they got married not even a year ago. She kept posting about how alone she felt and how life is too short- so tell the people you love that you love them. Fight through the stubbornness and anger and don’t leave angry. Find your tribe and be faithful. Lean on people you love and don’t feel guilty about it. You are never alone. I believe who heartedly that we all have soulmates and I don’t just mean in the form of romance, but also in the form of connecting with your soul.

Open your heart. New moms, old moms. Don’t feel isolated. Don’t be isolated. Reach out. Accept love. Make plans and commit to them. Take care of yourself. This island of motherhood is by far the hardest season of life and no one should have to go through it alone.

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