I love. I mom. I run. I teach. I dream. I breathe. I dance. I feel.
I get depressed. I feel run down. I cry. I compare. I get jealous. I feel.
And guess what? That’s okay. Why can’t it be okay to feel all those feelings and have them sometimes overlap? Why do we feel like we need approval from others? Why can’t it be okay to like certain things that some people don’t? How many times have you heard someone say, “Must be nice?” How many times do you find yourself talking trash about people who appear to have more abundance than you? I used to play the poor me/must be nice card all the time. I played it so much I felt sick. Then I realized it’s time to wake the F up.
Some of you may think- well yeah, all those things are okay, but I swear on this journey through life someone always has something to say and you can either let it bother you or not. I am still working on trying to let that go and be grateful for what I have and what I can do. No one in particular tells us we need approval or we have to like the same things our friends and family likes, but society kills us with expectations and social media just sucks. Who cares if someone posts pictures of themselves in a bikini because they feel proud? If you hate that, then maybe you have an issue deep down that needs to be resolved. Who cares if someone runs a better pace than you? You are not, not them. Thank goodness for the unfollow feature. Me, personally, I love to follow/stalk inspiring people. I often border creepy and normal by stalking people on insta- my bad.
Not everyone is going to understand you. If you feel some type of pull and discomfort when you watch someone else feel good/proud/ reach a goal that they’ve been working on- then it’s time to check your heart and soul. What do you do? What do you want to do?
The thing is, we all feel: we are all human. We need to take off our own blinders and be open to trying to understand how other people might feel. Its time we start worrying about ourselves instead of what everyone is doing. You can eat all the kale, the greens, do all the yoga and make a lot of money. But if you don’t take care of the shit weighing in your heart and soul, you aren’t healthy.
When dealing with people, it’s all about approach and perception. When your tribe doesn’t feel as proud of you as you feel of yourself, maybe it’s time to find a new tribe. Yup, I said it. Stop tearing each other down (internally or externally) and start building each other up. Yes, I get jealous that I see all these husband and wives going to dinner once a week or actually “dating” again. I always find myself comparing myself with beautiful people because I don’t feel pretty enough. We pick ourselves apart, but I’m working on it. Yes, I get jealous when I see people with calm kids who actually sleep (is that even real though?). We feel. But when you are upset with people for doing the things they love, you have to dig deep and think about why. Jealousy is a monster and that son of a bitch can sneak up on you and camp out in your subconscious and ruin relationships. I’m still trying to work on this. It’s harder than you think- being happy for others.
Some people feel harder than others. Some people resent others for the things they can’t have or do. I’m guilty of it. I’m getting much better and working through that too- I hate that part about me. It’s a life process. That’s why I run. Because for once in my life I feel in control. I only complete against myself. I feel good. I feel healthy. I feel strong. I feel confident. When other people feel good about themselves or reach a goal that they’ve been working on for years, why does it have to be so hard to be happy for them? I’m not actually asking in reference to me, but I’m asking in general because the feeling is the real deal. If anyone has an answer, feel free to comment. Maybe at some level, we wished we could reach a goal or do something that we love, that makes our soul ignite – maybe not the same goal or the same things. Or maybe at some level we wished we could feel an ounce of that happiness you feel when you reach that goal or are able to do the things you love. But that’s on you now. You gotta own that feeling and work through it.
Life is about winning and losing. But it’s about winning and losing with yourself- no one else. Reach goals for you. Do the things you love whole heartedly and if the people you love don’t love the same things, it’s okay! There’s no rule that says if you love each other you have to like the same things. And who cares if someone’s hobby is running or basket weaving or photography? Who cares if someone wants to build a 2,000 square foot barn in their backyard (biting my tongue here hahaha)?? Who cares if someone wears leggings everyday (guilty)? Everyone is different. We aren’t meant to be each other. But if you find yourself so annoyed at others because they are happy, proud, and telling the world, dig deep within yourself to figure out why. It can be a painful process, but it helps put things into perspective. Next time you feel like you are swimming against a current and it takes every part of you to say wow, great job, do it and see how you feel. It’s freeing. It’s beautiful to build others up even if they don’t deserve it. But in that, remember to be kind. Be open. Be courteous. Communicate. Be mindful about approach. Perceptions are different, rightfully so, but no one is better than anyone. No one.
The biggest life lesson that I have ever learned was to try to look at others in a different lens. How do they feel? Even if it goes against all your grain, be selfless enough to try to understand what someone is feeling. Why is someone being rude? I can’t stand when I let someone walk across the crosswalk and they don’t wave or say thank you. But who are we to judge if they are assholes or they are losing their child? Maybe they had a bad day. Maybe some people will think you have self- esteem issues if you post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit. Maybe that person used to be 300 lbs and lost 150 lbs. Some people tend to feel jealous because they can’t see themselves being that happy. Maybe they aren’t jealous at all, but are genuinely annoyed. Maybe they struggle with finding time to do the things they love more. Maybe they are secretly fighting with their husband and pray everyday they didn’t have to feel so alone. Who are we to judge others? Seriously, I do it too- but when did we start doing this too much?
We need to change our lens and understand that perceptions are different and they are allowed to be. I learned this from my students and my kids. I always tell my staff to look at kids through the eyes of trauma. And my own kids who love everyone- they see the world through the lens of love. To them, jealousy doesn’t exist (yet) because that all stems from something/experience. Change your lens.
So next time someone asks you- what do you do? You answer with pride. What you do and like to do will eventually align.
Be proud of who you are. Be kind to others and build them up, even if you can’t stand it. You are amazing and you will do great things.
At the end of the day if you aren’t happy with what you’re doing or who you’re with, then it’s time to make a change. You have so much capability- I feel like people only use a little bit of their potential due to limited beliefs. You got this!
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