I am more upset than I’m supposed to be. I know I can’t make my daughter do anything she doesn’t want to do, but for some reason I’m super emotional about this. She was doing amazing. She was listening to directions and laughing with her friends. It was so good for her. I don’t care that we paid $60 for the costume or that I’m a backstage mom. My heart is broken tonight and it’s so selfish. She’s 3.5 years old and she’s trying to navigate what she loves and doesn’t love. The poor thing just wants to be on stage- she doesn’t want to go to dance class, but she wants to be on stage. I can see it though. She’s bored. She’s looking around the room, leaving to pee 17x in 45 minutes, or she will just sit down. She sits in the middle of dance class and cries and as a teacher it killllllls me. All the other kids are listening, why can’t mine?
Fast forward 15 minutes because that’s usually how long we last and we are in the car- she’s crying because she wants to go back in to get a sticker. Then she starts talking about how she just wants to be on the stage and wear make up (I’m screwed). As I mentioned before, being a teacher makes it worse because I diagnose her with everything under the sun forgetting that she is 3 and this is normal. I just love her so so so much and I don’t want to rush her growing up. I want her to be happy and find things she loves on her own. I just wanted her to be a part of something she loves that’s not TV or anything with technology or sugar.
Times like this make me realize she is growing up and I have to start cutting the cord. She’s no longer attached to me. I no longer make decisions for her. My sweet girl is coming into her own and is starting to understand what she loves and doesn’t love and that’s okay.
I’m allowed to feel these emotions because I’m a mom. She is my strong willed butterfly and when she doesn’t want something she makes it known. When she wants something, she makes it known. I just hope and pray she always wants me.
I will never stop telling her how much I love her. Go ahead baby girl, spread your wings and fly.