Babies, Toddlers, family, love, motherhood

You are the best damn mama

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Picture this…I’m in my car in my driveway, cutting my split ends, Hudson sleeping, Jules on my phone watching YouTube Kids. I literally have my new MacBook Air with me all the time, so I’m squished up against the steering wheel typing this.

I have slept 2.5 hours and taught a Zumba step class this morning at 8am. I just got home from Disneyland (I mean Target) with BOTH kids and I actually nailed it. I mommed the shit out of Target and my kids were so good. The in-betweens are a different story. I have a double stroller that some random lady at Once Upon a Child gave me. It is my savior! I needed to get food and puffs for Hudson, soap, and Tylenol for my poor teething baby, plus I had to check out the clearance section obviously. Yes, I bought one shirt for $8 and it was actually for me. I felt so guilty that I almost put it back 4 times. The 2.5 hours of sleep was because Hudson has 2 upper teething ripping through his poor little bloody gums so I need alllllll the Tylenol. He’s never cranky, so I knew the teeth were ripping and roaring through =( That peppermint castile soap I tried to buy? Jules ripped it open and tried to eat it in the store. But it’s okay. I hid it in another shelf and just pretended it didn’t happen. After that, people actually commented on how good my kids were. But also kept saying, “Wow you have your hands full! Omg, there are 2 in there?” “Yesssssss, my hands are full, but you should see my heart,” I say.

That was the trip, but getting there and packing up can be a bitch. When we got to Target, I had to do my best squat to lift the double stroller out of the car. The bags under my eyes are horrendous and my hair was still wet and matted to my head and I had no make up on at all. Oh yeah, I took a 3 inch bath with Hudson trying to walk across the sides of the jacuzzi and Jules took EVERYTHING out of the cabinets. At one point, I had to get out and take the plunger away from Hudson. Then Jules asks, “Mama, when my get bigger, my shave my legs?” Anyways, Jules goes in the stroller fine, but poor baby boy is sound asleep snoring and since he’s huge I can’t lift the car seat and the double stroller doesn’t have the click and connect feature. So I have to smuggle him out of his seat and wake him up, and since the stroller was facing the sun, he was not a happy camper. Jules was in the front with my sunglasses on, drinking my Starbucks iced tea (I didn’t even realize until after), waving to everyone. Toddler life is good. But Hudson is screaming, arching his back, sliding out of the seat. Usually it’s the other way around #terribletwos. Move on people, it’s fine. I’m just restraining my baby into the seat, with a teether in my mouth, keys are dropping on the ground, and the diaper bag is pretty much strangling my neck. Just breathe Mama, you got this. YES, I do. We strolled on into Target and conquered the trip at only $66. Of course I bought a little more than what my list said, but a good trip deserves a reward.

Now we are home and Hudson cried himself to sleep. I’m cutting my split ends and Jules is on my phone listening to Daddy Finger and I have K-LOVE on with the windows open because my hormones are everywhere since I slept with my boobs in Hudson’s mouth all night long. I have no bra on and I’m about to leak through my sweatshirt because the milk is brewin’. You know everyone has a thing…smoking cigarettes, running, picking their hair, whatever is it…but me?! I freaking cut my split ends. I don’t know how I’m not bald. Everyday I get out of work, I sit in my car for 20 minutes before I pick my kids up at daycare and cut my hair. If they are both napping and I have to drive around, which on weekends they never nap for me unless Hudson is on top of me and Jules is screaming in her crib, I will park and cut my hair.

Right now, it ain’t pretty. My hair is everywhere, split ends all over my leggings, Jules in the back with her hair looking like a birds nest glued to the phone (don’t judge, I’m exhausted and one kid is napping), and Hudson is asleep snoring. Koko can see us from the car and is staring at us. I’m squished up again the steering wheel with my computer up against my stomach. My stomach is growling because I am starving and need to eat every 30 minutes since all I do is nurse pump and run.

Now when Hudson wakes up, Jules will be cranky because she will want to nap but refuses naps in her crib. She naps at daycare, but not at home. Great times.

Oh and I like my husband again because he’s at the firehouse and won’t be home til tomorrow, although I will probably hate him again in the morning because we are getting a snowstorm and he will most likely be late coming home in the morning and if I don’t sleep tonight I might actually kill someone. JUST KIDDING.

But you know what?? I’m breathing, taking in the weekend, listening to K-LOVE, listening to Hudson snoring and listening to Jules sing Daddy Finger and I can’t help but thank God for this. For the opportunity to be a mom to 2 healthy babes that love me unconditionally and even though I can get stressed and tired, they still think I’m the best mama. So are you- in all of your flaws and imperfections and OCD and anxieties. You are the best damn mama.

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